One of my biggest fears use to be becoming unsuccessful but I don't believe that anymore. It's even impossible to fathom that lie anymore, knowing failure is not an option for me.
But I am a hopeless romantic scared as FUCK to fall in love. I know. How schizophrenic does that sound. I have become so guarded that I question every motive and have self sabotage any possible potential for love in the past. And being a single mother doesn't help either which gives me more reason to be overprotective of my space, heart and mind. I tell myself "I can't love anyone right now because I can't compromise my time with my daughter." I mean I don't have the leisure of having a babysitter which I don't like leaving her with unless deemed necessary, like a birth. And I am a recent transplant her in Austin, TX so really I have no family and friends.
Yes there's some pain here and fear of being hurt again even though I know it's inevitable but are they worth the hurt? I guess I need the assurance that person will be patient with my guardedness in a generation which is quick to give up for most people pursue relationship with very selfish motives.
You see at the age of 16 I intentionally surrounded myself around successful partnership/marriages to look up to for I never saw that growing up. At my current age, I have already witnessed several of my friends experience divorce and broken families. I guess I need to know that person has the same value system as I which is the advancement of the institution of the family and has the vision of "empireship" for our children. Most of all I must feel a willingness to submit to his imperfections as the one I have chosen to lead my daughter and I. But most importantly, I always speak and admire all the relationships that started with friendship.
Maybe I use my daughter as an excuse but if I'm not good she's not good. She is my #1 priority. So if your are not someone I would not have my daughter look up to why would I brother to enter into courtship with you?
Are you worthy of courting my daughter and I?
But that doesn't face the fact my propensity to be guarded. So as I am fully confident of the success of my future I must be also confident in love. So for the new moon (March 28th) I will charge my Rose Quartz yoni egg (as well as charge my carnelian and Green Aventurine crystals) and clutch my yoni until the pink moon (April 11th) approaches any beyond, lol! I will say prayers and be open to the possibilities for I love in a world with limitless miraculous abundance in all things. I will NOW believe I am deserving of love while I continue to LIVE my life.
With Venus (my ruling planet) being in the New Moon it's believed to bring hope of love and money. A New Moon represents the end of one cycle and the beginning of another new 28 day cycle. So today I decide to embrace love for myself and for my future partner if granted God-willingly-and if not I am still content but I will at least be totally honest with my Creator of ALL my desires. I will begin to pray for his well-being whoever he is; before I ever meet him or have an idea of who he is. I will look to put old habits to death and welcome any positive energy while still being intuitive/discerning. I will be honest with myself and anyone I cross paths with and not hold prisoner my feelings but also not take my feelings as law for feelings are fickle. I will remove thoughts that no longer serve me.
As the new year has entered in (March 2lst), this new moon symbolizes leadership, new ideas and taking action. I will be making plans, pushing forward and charting new courses, not only in love, as the Pink Moon (April 11th) and my Birthday (April 21st) approaches. Let all of us nourish, heal and love ourselves. Make space in our lives for self-love. Take action on our lives based from a place of love, whatever that may be. Take advantage of the new moon...