When All Odds Bring About Balance... #MAAT

@tinyandbrave

I have now existed and lived for 36 years on this earth. I am blessed . I am humbled. I am grateful. And I will try to celebrate everyday possible.

It's been a year since I decided I would share my journey as a single mother pursuing her dreams of becoming a midwife. I wanted to share with you the four lessons I have learned in this year. The four lessons that stood out for me. The number 4 is the number of stability, order and completion of justice. So here is mines:

1. "Become comfortable with the uncomfortable." Dr. Eric Mason. On June 29th I landed in Dallas with my daughter to live in the home of a friend. It was a very difficult decision but I had to humble myself if I truly believe this was the path I was to pursue. Being a single woman in her 30's with a toddler; you want to avoid making a decision that will affect the well being of your child. My living situation was a private bedroom but shared common areas, with barely no privacy or the freedom to be me. I would beat myself many of times of the decision I made. I should be married, in love, own my own home, and pregnant with my 2nd child by my standard of success. I couldn't find a stable job in Dallas that would allow me to apprentice and provide for my daughter and I. People who thought who were friends began to distant themselves. And I was alone and homesick majority of the time. Many times I wanted to pack my stuff and move back to Philadelphia regretting my decision. In the mean time, I would study in the middle of the night while my daughter would sleep while having to wake up the next day to work for a bi-weekly stipend that didn't cover our needs.

After six months I relocated to Austin, Texas to work at a Birthing Center while my daughter stayed with my mother in Connecticut for a few months. The hardest part was when I would call and facetime her at night and she would refuse to speak to me. I felt as though she was forgetting who her mother was or thinking I wasn't her mother anymore. Was I fucking up my daughter's life and/or development? Was she angry at me? Did she feel abandoned by me? What was I missing seeing her do for the first time or how was she progressing or the lack of. But in the meantime I kept hustling and kept looking for work. Two weeks in Austin I released from my duties from the Birthing Center because they felt I was too green for the position as a birth assistant in a fast pace environment. Once again at that very moment I questioned all my decisions to move to Texas. But as quickly it came it quickly left and I wouldn't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and I did what I knew best-hustle. As I was walking out the building of that birth center I was sending emails to every possible midwife in Austin I knew and could find. By Thursday that week I found a new apprenticeship with two midwives for the price of one!!! It wasn't paying but it was better then the original plan. Most apprentice struggle just to find one preceptor let alone two.  I am TENACIOUS.

@tinyandbrave

2. Pay attention to your bad habits. I have never been able to stay at a job longer than two years. I admire folks who have been able to stay at their jobs for years. It is the skill of mastery. But for me I get bored very easily. Eventually I feel stagnate and a need for a new challenge. I needed to know that in whenever in serving my community there is no glass ceiling but that is the case in social service. I would always feel I would hit a wall which limit the extent of how I can help the people I serve. Reason why I still haven't gotten my license as a counselor after receiving my masters because then I would be force to adhere to the regulations of the state like placing a time limit on how long I can counsel someone. With midwifery I would constantly be challenged and learn something new.

I also think my inability to stay somewhere speaks of enterprising spirit who's a late bloomer, lol! I had to look back in  my past life and currently and saw I found joy in creating, motivating, and giving. I love inspiring others to be the best they can be. By nature I am passionate-for people and life. I see every challenge as an opportunity and I am constantly optimistic. I have come to accept adaptability. I am willing to take risk and execute, even when the fear of failure is singing in my ear. I rather fail trying then fail by not trying at all. But if truth be told if I try it's just another opportunity to solve an opportunity. 

There's so much I would love to share with you but I know I must also be patient. And many times some of those ideas and visions are just that and not meant to become more. So currently I am learning to distinguish what should be tossed to my mental trash? What should be delegated to someone else? What should be worth my time? What should be done now vs., later? Learn that NOW but don't be afraid to make mistakes and learn from them. I am a VISIONARY.

@tinyandbrave

3. Rejection can be a beautiful gift/surprise for something better. I did not allow myself to be distracted by temporary obstacles. You see I was willing to be homeless for my dreams/purpose; crazily-sane and in love with the process/journey. Don't be fooled by what's before you bc what's before you maybe just a distraction from what's really happening on your behalf. See through the filters, that we live in a world where God created and operates in ABUNDANCE. Don't let fear be your roadblock. Approaching the alters of this earth in this perspective, attracts all that is meant for you. 

People will tell you no or what they think for you. But will you accept what they say? Will you allow them to make their truth your truth? Whatever that area maybe - career, family, love, etc., that you're trying to obtain will you take the NO's personal or as protection? I have realized that many opportunities that I've tried to make happen were not really meant for me or I just wasn't ready to receive at that time. Now in my life that's how exactly how I see no's as... either I'm being protected from something, I'm not ready and/or there's something better... or I just simply create my own door, create from my very own obstacles and/or need within my community. My obstacles are usually my biggest motivation. I am an OVERCOMER.

4. Love hard while protecting your magic. Be genuine in all that you do no matter what and who opposes that. But be wise and intuitive on how you share yourself with people. Everyone will not be happy for you and sadly, many people may not be in an healthy place emotionally and/or mentally and spiritually to be a part of your team. Don't force relationships but let them organically happen. Realize that your willingness to wrestle through issues in your "friendships" and/or "business partnerships" doesn't mean they are willing or mature enough to do the same. Sometimes people even unconsciously trying to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power - because they see it and they don't want it to exist because it highlights their shortcomings. So create boundaries that will protect your spirit, your magic. When you fix your thinking then the problems fix themselves. Once you learn to be happy and at peace you won't tolerate being around people who operate in their lower existence-lower vibration unless they are ready to change that. And if they are quick to walk away then they never intended to stay. THEIR REJECTION IS YOUR PROTECTION. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. I am WHOLE.

And some people want to stay in their pain because it's comfortable and easy but that's actually a slow death. So make yourself a priority before you raise a banner for the next person and their dreams. SO DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU'RE PROUD AND EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM IS EQUALLY EATING. I am a GIVER.

@tinyandbrave

At the end of the day it comes down to the weighing and the condition of ones heart when dealing with all these lessons while being grateful and waiting in humble expectation at all times. Do the heartwork necessary to receive all God/Universe has intended for you to have. We are BLESSED and DIVINE.

Love, Peace and Blessings.

#AspiringMidwife: Kamil El

Every mother has a birth story, different for every child. I am honored to have had the euphoria of pregnancy and later birth. I also have had the heartbreak of discovering that my child would have a lifelong disability. The process of grieving for the child I dreamed of and the determination to love the child I have influenced my birth stories. I write to share their beginning in the most unlikely of circumstances.

As a senior at the Philadelphia High School for Girls, I was going to be the first of my family to attend college. I was also pregnant. My best friend, H., was pregnant too. (We still do everything together.) She was farther along than me. I told her I had no intention of carrying the pregnancy to term. Without batting an eye we planned how and when I would end the pregnancy without my family finding out. Graduation was two weeks away so we moved quickly. She borrowed her mom’s car and drove me to the pre-procedure appt and back for the procedure. I was already overcome with emotion and fear. H. was steadfast that she would be there the whole time. We did a drive by to survey parking. To our complete horror there was an anti-abortion protest in full swing! At least 300 people were blocking the entrance to Planned Parenthood. I wanted to leave but she would not let me. She was nine months pregnant and dragging me down the street, through throngs of protesters. They were shouting, shoving pictures at us, it was really unnerving. Still, we got through it undeterred. When it came time to pay for the procedure the fee was $100 more than budgeted. My ultrasound had indicated that I was further along than originally estimated. I did not have the money or means of getting it. All I remember thinking was that it was a sign from God that the entire effort was wrong. The nurse counseled me and offered financial assistance from the Women’s Medical Fund (WMF). WMF provides financial assistance to women in Southeastern PA who cannot afford to terminate a pregnancy. All she asked is that I pay back the money as soon I could. I promised.

After the procedure, my dear H., drove us back to her house. I could not go home. My mother would know something was up. As I lay there, contemplating the meaning of life and what my purpose was… H. explodes in the room to announce that her water had broken. Stunned is an understatement. How could this day have gotten any worse? Six hours later I was holding her tiny, beautiful daughter. I felt guilty all over again. I made my second promise that day. When the time was right, I would do my part to ensure that children are born into the most fertile conditions possible.

Later when I reached the seasoned age of 24, my husband and I decided to stop not trying to get pregnant. A few months went by. Then we started keeping track of our efforts. After about a year we saw an OB. The visit was two words, cold and indifferent. I sought out the care of a Midwife.

She taught me how to track ovulation and check cervical mucus for fertility. She also had me take Nettle and Red Clover to enhance fertility. The tiny, out of the box, woman rocked my proverbial world. In less than two months we were expecting. She also packed up shop to head for Peru to study with a Shaman. Midwives can do that apparently. Before leaving though she referred me to another completely different but equally amazing Midwife.

I went on to have a planned Home Birth. It was shocking experience for our whole family. I invited as many people as I could. My Midwife, Kathy, spent the night on my bedroom floor while I labored through the night. In the early daybreak hours she delivered my own, not tiny, beautiful baby girl. Afterwards my family and friends had brunch and birthday cake. I slept.

Kathy was with me through the birth of my second child and his subsequent diagnosis of Autism. Through tears I asked her if my choice to be induced could have caused it. She hugged me tight. Midwives can apparently do that too. I am finished having children but I still see Kathy. She inspires me to be more than I dreamed. She helped me find confidence to grieve for the son I dreamed of, accept the son I have, and the courage to be the Mother he needs. I used that strength when I attended the births of friends and family. Ultimately, I decided to finally heed my calling to Midwifery.

I am in my third term and doing very well. I like my courses and cohort group. The school is very supportive. It is a departure from my accelerated second degree BSN program. The pace is still accelerated but seems much more manageable with just two courses per term. I will complete all my didactic work first then move on to clinical toward the end of MSN next year. I will move into the DNP portion the program in 2019.

A low occurred when I was at Upenn and it became glaringly apparent that there was NO way I would be able to finance my education there. I was maxed out on student loans and I would have to leave my children with a sitter twice a week for class. I looked for another option in Frontier Nursing University a distance midwifery education program for nurses. It has been smooth sailing ever since. I feel like I’m on the right path for me.

My goal is to live life fully and help others do the same in whatever capacity that means for them. Just keeping it simple, and reaching as many women as I can. Ideally I dream about having a homebirth/birthcenter practice and also having hospital privileges.

How has it been raising an autistic child and especially now you are entering the birth world? 

Raising my son while pursuing midwifery I only work on the weekends. Malcolm is amazed that I am a nurse. I used to be a teacher. He asks about the babies in a matter of fact way. Malcolm is a happy person. It is always sunny for him. His only complaint would come if I forgot to bring donuts home. It’s become a ritual when I go to work.

If you can give one piece of advice in terms of becoming and/or being a midwife what would it be?

I would say to research the current legislation in your state. Then consider the different avenues to practice. There are not the same and require varying levels of training and time. 

What makes you up in the middle of the night? 

I am always worry that I'm not doing enough for my children, for my people. I definitely struggle from 'imposter syndrome' too. I relive my shifts over and over especially when their tough. 

Birth is...an unforgettable, divine and perspective altering experience. 

Motherhood is... the hardest and most fulfilling work I have ever done. It can also be intensely painful and you have to acknowledge that when you become a mother. 

If you were given three wishes, what would you wish for?

This is so selfish but I would ask to remove autism from my son. 

I would ask for the freedom of resources to travel the world with my family. 

And Peace for all. 

What is the best thing about your life right now?

I actually really like my job. I'm working as a labor and delivery nurse. I love being with women during their labor. Women never cease to amaze.

What do you do for self care?

The best things I do for myself are eating well and keeping hydrated water. I cherish my alone time too. It is the best therapy. 

Read more of Kamil's story and her son at http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:DuakU6czUV0J:www.sa-lives.com/entry/28/a-day-in-the-life-malcolm-el+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

#MidwifeMonday: Yasmintheresa Garcia

Despite a long history of midwifery in the black community, black women currently represent less than 2% of the nation's reported 15,000 midwives. Relatedly, black women and infants experience the worst birth outcomes of any racial-ethnic cohort in the United States. And because of that once a month Tiny & Brave will be highlighting current and aspiring midwives of color. Today I will be highlighting the beautiful sister Yasmintheresa Garcia. 

When did you know you were called to Midwifery? 

As a young girl I had always had the aspiration to be a Doctor. My sisters always made fun and called me the bubble child because I was allergic to many things and often enjoyed visits to the doctors office. I found it so much fun to investigate everything my doctors would be doing when performing exams and suggesting prescriptions. I became an avid reader of health magazines and took full advantage of researching things about my anatomy. The female body I lived in became a masterpiece that I wanted to learn everything about since no one spoke much about its reoccurring changes in my household therefore I took initiative to learn about it myself. In junior high school two of my friends became pregnant and I immediately became their doula without knowing it was an actual occupation. I became extremely passionate about serving my sisters in learning more about their bodies. However it was not until I went away for college to California on my own, in pursuit of a fashion career that I found myself, and built up the courage to truly believe that I was capable of being that doctor I always knew I could be. It didn't matter to me anymore that no one else believed in me. I learned going to university for fashion was not my true purpose and by then I'd survived enough to know I was capable of becoming a servant for woman in need as a midwife.

Womanhood is a privilege bestowed upon a chosen being to carry out the example of God. A true demonstration of the cycle of life. Being born and creating life in many forms throughout each transitional phase is what womanhood is to me.

What do you do for self care?

I read for mental clarity, inspiration, and spiritual healing.

I am vegan therefore I treat myself to food that heal me from inside out like fresh fruits and veggies. I also exercise daily and enjoy taking care of my beauty with home made beauty products like my favorite, coffee body scrub. I also dance in my underwear in my mirror and pray to my body in gratitude of holding up each day. I never told that to anyone. 

If you can give one piece of advice in terms of becoming and/or being a midwife what would it be?

My advice to anyone becoming a midwife would be to learn the true history of midwifery from the historical granny midwives to the pioneers of modern day midwifery the Farm midwives of Summertown Tennessee. In order to respect and do this kind of work one must learn how it started and why we follow the scope of practice that differentiates us from Obstetrical care in hospitals. I would also say learn yourself as a woman, love yourself as a woman and take the best care of yourself as a woman because once you have empathy and love for yourself you are able to care for other woman in a selfless way. 

What is your favorite part of your body and why?  

My entire body was a gift from the universe so I love everything about it. It has been deemed a baby bearing body therefore I honor it all. But if I had to choose; My boobies. My boobies can feed my family and thats too dope! My vagina also provides protein but this is why I celebrate it all. 

What is the current theme song of your life? 

Rise Up by Andra Day is a reminder of the power in us we all have to live a fruitful life. 

Yasmintheresa Garcia is a Brooklyn native of Afro-Dominican descent. The developer of IbiOp App; The first App that list Doulas, Midwives, OBGYNs worldwide.

Yasmintheresa works as a Midwife in training, Prenatal & Postnatal Doula, Childbirth Educator, Vegan health coach and has founded YtheGirls “Hang out.” She has always had the desire to work with the community and help it progress in any way. Through her vision, creations and experiences she is dedicated to inspire others to produce self-sustainability in their communities.