#SantaTatianna: Mother Divine & Baby Magick

Name: Tatianna

Birth place: Fortuna, California

Current Residency: New Orleans, Louisiana

Occupation: Owner of MyUrbanIllumination.com, Tarot Reader & Healer/Spiritual Therapist

What was your upbringing? What is your cultural background?

I was raised in Brooklyn, NY my whole life - my parents were in the military when they had me and immediately flew back home once I arrived but divorced shortly after. As a result, my father gained full custody and i never established a relationship with my mother’s family until recently. My father’s end is predominantly Puerto Rican, with heavy Afro-Taino heritage & some Spaniard + Chilean influences, whereas my mother is Black, Native American, Polynesian w/ Indonesian roots. I grew up in the hood, living in the projects of Bedstuy and absolutely loving every minute of it. It was a melting pot of blacks and latinos so I had the best of both worlds & culture in my home. My father is an artist and was very adamant on exposing me to other forms of life, art, music, and cultures one could not access in the hood at a very young age, so we always spent our weekends visiting museums, traveling or doing fun activities that kept my brain sharp.

Are any of the women or men in your family (ancestors included) involved in spiritual work/divination?

My father is technically an open Medium but a non-practicing one. It’s a skillset that suddenly came to him once my grandfather passed and he’s still navigating its realms but it’s definitely one that intimidates him and one that he has no control of. He’s the only one I’m aware of from that lineage that has been consciously open to the spirit world and spirit work, but hasn’t truly dived into it. On my mother’s end, my aunts and uncles have revealed to me that Magick runs heavily in our blood line. My Great-Grandmother & Grandmother practiced the dark arts consciously in their younger years and since seeing the reprocussions of such actions have claimed a more religious life. I have also been told that my Mother has practiced dabbling in magic but I’m not aware of the extent as my family can be hush-hush about these things. I am aware that I had a great-aunt that passed in her younger years and was well versed in Tarot, so it certainly runs on both ends.

So when did you know you were called to this? Do you mind sharing your journey?

Magick has always been a prevalent force in my life. Raised by a Pisces dad, I was exposed to the possibilities of other worlds existing through quantum physics, various ways of connecting to ourselves spiritually and knowing that we’re more than just a physical body. Our home was filled with books on Edgar Cayce, Nostradamus, Buddhism, Taoism, Creative Visualization, How to read Auras and balance Chakras, etc, so I was exposed to spirituality, healing and the power of our minds at a very early age. I was supported to discover my own path in all aspects of life and was allowed freedom to explore whatever spiritual practices and traditions that I most resonated with as long as they came with good & pure intentions. Essentially, I was taught that we are all interconnected and in many ways, most practices if not all, have commonalities that make them the same, just varying in personal mythologies, pathways and perspectives.

Knowing this, I dived into particular practices that I feel best exemplified my connection to the divine. Ancestral wise, my Puerto-Rican grandma always made “remedios,” herbal remedies that were home-made conjure healing tinctures that served to cure or aid people with their intentions because she was raised in “el campo,” which is essentially the nature ghettos of P.R, parts that were deemed “uncivilized” and some what primitive compared to the industrial parts of the land. I gained the love for learning about herbs and mixing my own tinctures and oils from her and our Afro-Latino customs. She is Christian (Catholic) with an open mind, often curious about magic yet held some resistance towards it, especially Santeria since her exposure was generally negative and taboo. Her compassion and acceptance for all walks of life and skepticism towards Santeria, made me more of a curious person to want to dive in and explore African Spirituality and ancestral magic as a tool for self-transformation and healing.

With Tarot in particular, I ended up discover a deck of cards as a child in her home and playing with them as if I could read cards (playing cards mind you). No one ever taught me or introduced me into divination. It was an organic process and an innate attraction that I’ve always had in me. I also would read palms at that age, with no explanation of what i was doing. I thought it was a game at the time and i never questioned why i was playing it, lol. I curiosity of this world kept growing and i would read books on paganism and meditation, worked in spiritual shops from my teens and onward and read there as a Tarot practitioner while learning how to perform spells & ritual work for clients. Spirituality & Magic has always been a part of my life.

What was the event or moment that confirmed this was your calling?

There was never a definitive time where I realized this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I focused a majority of my life dancing professionally and teaching dance, while doing Tarot on the side but it wasn’t until my father mentioned that I could really create it into a great online business, after listening to an NPR interview w/ a woman who had quit her corporate job to start an online tarot business. The impact that my readings have on the lives of others, sustains me and lets me know that I’m serving one of my many purposes. But I believe that I have many callings in life, not just this one.

How did you come up with Urban Illumination?

I got the idea from working in several Metaphysical, Botanica & Spiritual shops throughout the years and feeling like they were missing something. Either the market was wicked gentrified and Spirituality was being sold as a lifestyle gimmick or the environment was unwelcoming or there wasn’t enough education that empowered customers to learn or know more of this world. I envisioned My Urban Illumination as a platform that would appeal those from all walks of life and educate them on various spiritual traditions and practices that can help empower their path, strengthen their connection to Spirit and demystify the truth of these practices. I was inspired by my neighborhood in Bedstuy, and how it would be amazing to have some spiritual outlet in an urban environment that focused on mindfulness, conscious growth and spiritual knowledge of self, hence, My Urban Illumination.

What makes you different from other energy workers?

A couple of things: I’ve been doing this for over 2 decades, so I didn’t just venture into the practice when it became popularized within the past couple of years. Magic has always been a part of my story and life, perhaps that’s why so many people connect with my messages, because i’ve accumulated enough references and experience to write about over time and make it relatable to others on a universal level. I also consider myself a well-rounded person, who has interests and talents other than spiritual/energy work. Sometime energy workers can tie themselves into an identity where they only associate with spiritual matters. I’m a down-to-earth person with many interests and passions that i communicate about and can integrate into my spiritual practice. It’s good for people to know that you’re realistic and approachable, rather than all this love & light fluff. I’m still a Brooklyn girl at heart that’s testing out what she preaches and sometimes gets it wrong too.

What are your rituals to keep yourself balanced and in tuned?

It’s more of the simple things that work for me. I engage in intentional prayer when I wake, over the food and drinks I take and before I sleep, is a must. I take my time in the morning to relax with my fiance and we both check in energetically on how we’re feeling, what we’re setting out to do for the day while eating breakfast, cuddling and pulling each other’s cards. We also pray together regarding what we are grateful for and what we are looking to create in our lives; i see this more of claiming what you want and projecting gratitude and appreciation as well. This keeps us grounded and aware of our ancestors, spirits and higher selves - and is a link that keeps us connected. I take frequent spiritual baths to cleanse myself from all the work and energy I’ve been doing with clients and from picking up around town and I enjoy using spiritual sprays w/ blessed water & herbs as a refreshment. Also, frequently checking in with my Babalawo, which is a close friend of ours, also helps to keep me balanced and on the right path.

What are the various spiritual paths that you pull from to create your own center of beliefs?

I find that all spiritual paths share a common thread, which is their connection to Source energy & that consciousness is embedded in us all. So the study of consciousness & quantum physics, has always been a part of my path from a spiritual/scientific standpoint. It helps me understand the mechanics behind my power as a spirit being in a physical body. I pull predominantly from African-Spiritual practices & belief systems, including Ifa, some Haitian Vodou ideologies and now that i’m in New Orleans, I’m increasingly incorporating Hoodoo practices into my everyday life.

When did you discover you were with child/pregnant? Do you mind sharing your experience? Was it a conscious or unconscious conception?

February 1st, the day that Beyonce made her official announcement with the twins funny enough, I had purchased a pregnancy test that I took while on a quick 15 min break from an online Astrology course I was taking. I had suspicions that I could be pregnant but since Jay & I took precautionary measure, I thought perhaps I could just have have a late cycle - but the test came out positive. It was an overwhelming experience because we didn’t plan it but I can’t say that the baby didn’t go unnoticed. I had received guidance from 4 intuitives/psychics prior to me moving to New Orleans that all picked up on a child. Also the time I had conceived #babymagic was the very same time a year prior that I had experienced a loss, in which I was advised through one my spirit guides that a child would arrive once I could learn from the experience and be more savvy with the spirit realm. I was told that my future child would guide me, so although initially I felt apprehensive about the pregnancy, I quickly grew to accept and love this blessing. This is why I gave her the label #babymagic, because in many ways, she was prophesied to me.

Now that you are soon-to-be mom how has it affected your work?

I’m honoring myself more than ever, whereas I used to throw myself into my work and disregard boundaries, my personal energy and need for breaks. I’ve gotten fearless in communicating my expectations and demands, more creative in my approach, more confident in my own judgement and intuition and certainly more respectful of my time, space and energy - especially now that my daughter is sharing that. I have had a boost of drive and passion, to the point that I can see myself dedicating time to a trillion other side projects but most importantly being pregnant has shown me how to slow down and honor this gradual pace. I’m not working at the same speed as I have before but as result, I’ve been happier and mentally healthier.

Do you mind sharing your expectations and/or fears in becoming a mother?

I expect to conquer it all with my child and to introduce to her that it’s possible with will power, discipline and love. I don’t anticipate slowing down in my path just because I’m a mother, having a child empowers me to do it all and I’m excited to show this world to her, as I didn’t have my own mother to show me. I want her to know the power of magic that lies within her and to guide her in using it to transform the world around her. I have no fears; everything is in divine order and I was made for this.

What have you learned about yourself thus far during your pregnancy?

Ha! This is something Jay and I both learned individually of each other, and that is, we’re too nice. Boundaries were important before but now that I’m in mama lioness mode, they’re more important more than ever. I used to be tactful and direct in delivering my messages but now I don’t care. I’m unapologetic with expressing what I like/ don’t like, who I like and don’t like and taking extra measure to protect myself and my family. I now recognize the power of my voice and everyday the power of my being as a whole. The fact that I have the ability to conceive a child is still surreal to me. It makes me feel unstoppable in many ways, so I’m learning that there’s just so much I can be achieving and I’ve barely scratched the surface.

Has your little one intuitively spoken to you and if so, do you mind sharing one experience you feel comfortable sharing?

She’s speaks all the time, telepathically! I joke to people and say that i’m birthing a dragon, a powerhouse of sorts but I truly believe it. Our connection has been immediate from the start and she contains immense fire energy, an undeniable commanding presence mixed with grace and playful curiosity.

What would you define as a healthy spirit worker?

Someone who can discern what is the truth for themselves and doesn’t force others to follow their views but empowers them to discover their own connection to spirit. They enforce proper boundaries to respect themselves & others.

Define Motherhood

The ability to access an innate energy of possibility and creativity within and to hone that through love, accountability and action. It is acknowledgement and respect towards the responsibilities one has with their manifestations, physical and non-physical and the awareness that they can do it all as a woman. It is the sacrifice one takes to cultivate a better, more conscious version of themselves in their child. It is seeing the beauty in every experience and how that gives birth to something greater in retrospect.

Define Femininity

The ability to flow with what is, trusting in the magic of the universe and to be receptive to one’s power as a channel of spirit. It is the power of being and containing all possibilities in one.

Define Power

The ability to influence others through your own actions, emotions and thoughts. A force that wills us to manifest our dreams and desires.

Define Spirituality

One’s personal connection to the divine and how they perceive themselves as part of the divine.

Define Love

Peaceful acceptance and appreciation of what is. A resonance with your truth and what is right for you.

Define Wisdom

Timeless resources or advice you can use to help you evolve from your current state of being.

What are some words of wisdom you would share for someone pursuing this path?

This path is an ever evolving one. Who you were 2 weeks ago isn’t who you are now, accept that change is inevitable and don’t resist it. Take sacred time to learn yourself more than ever before, to ask yourself deep introspective questions and to remain a healthy skeptic. Accept all forms of who you show up to be in this body, as you gracefully learn how to create which one is most appropriate for you. And in all transitions, be fearless in your quest for truth, never compromise your own gut and feelings. You know what’s best for you.

IF you don't know yet... Do you think it's a Boy or Girl?

#BabyMagic is a firey Girl!!!

#FutureFemmeSage: Stephanie "Be" Joseph

@__shespeaks

"There is a secret in our culture and it’s not that birth is painful, but that women are strong” Laura Stavoe

I knew I was called to Midwifery before I even knew what Midwifery was.  

Let's take a blast to the past when I told my sisters how important it was for me to have their placentas after giving birth. If they didn't want it, that is. They were both confused and per usual thought i was crazy. As the middle child of 5, being crazy was nothing new to me. Something shifted in me that day. Honestly I don't know how I even knew about placentas. Maybe i heard it somewhere, or maybe it was the sweet whisper from my beloved spirit. The research began shortly after. From watching animals give birth on the animal planet. To watching women give birth on TLC. My mother who is a nurse. Even took me with her to work on bring your daughter to work day. Which of course this was the perfect opportunity to ask as many questions as i could think of.

@__Shespeaks

Growing up I have always been aware of my divine feminine energy and the ability i had to strongly express myself. Which as a young Haitian women came with its obstacles. I was also quick to notice when other young women were not able to channel their inner voices. I stood up for those women, and we grew into our bodies together. I strongly believe that we all should stand together, empower, up lift, guide, encourage and support one another. It is through this that we will be guided back to our roots and the divinity within one another.

The fascination of reproductive health continued as i journeyed through a Vo Tech High School focused on Healthcare. Convinced that I was going to be a OB-GYN. Shortly after doing research I became aware of how much conventional schooling i would have to endure. Which I was not excited about at all. I was not aware of the different paths that could be taken to become a midwife, or even having the option to be a Doula. Without even knowing i Doula-ed for a friend in high school. I didn’t get to keep her placenta, but it was a life changing experience.

@__Shespeaks

After graduating from high school I returned to teach a “Girls 101” class. Where I facilitated a sacred therapeutic space for young teens to express themselves and showcase their creativity through dance. I feel in love with the sacred sisterhood, the trust, the transformation with all of the inside work that was being done. I wanted to do more.The question was how? Our classes came to an end. These amazing young women all left to graduate. I left with my hair chopped off and a whole new perspective of life.

Avoiding the conventional schooling I found myself journeying through beauty school where i believed that this was a part of the transformation for women. I thought this could suffice my calling to become a Midwife. After becoming licensed as a cosmetologist and working in a few hair salons. I knew this just wasn’t enough. My spirit was not satisfied.

@__Shespeaks

My soul work ignited the day my niece transitioned to the physical world.  I supported my sister in every way that i could, but it just didn't feel like enough.  I felt very strong that the treatment she received at the hospital could’ve been better. In so many ways.  Was it because she was a young black women? Did they think she was uneducated?? Why were so many nurses involved? Why were there so many people in the room?  So many questions fluttered my mind.

With the belief that the environment you are born into sets the tone for the rest of your life. I took a vow this day to honor that belief. To find the answers to those questions and support other women, their families and mine too. So we are armed with knowledge to make informed decisions. That aren’t made from fear.

“ If you don’t know your options, you don’t have any” . After searching for a Doula training that would align with my philosophy, I later trained with Ancient Songs Doula Services with Chanel- Porchia and Patricia Thomas based in Brooklyn NY. Then I volunteered at a local hospital as a Doula for young moms.The universe threw me in shortly after that I trained with Mercy In Action with the Penwells based in Idaho. I become a Certified Childbirth Educator through GentleBIrth Institute. I’ve trained with Boston Doula ProjectPAIL with Nnkea Hall and ROSE. Along this journey I have been blessed to have met so many amazing humans. Built some amazing sisterhoods.  

So much has been learned. I am fortunate to have been able to quiet my mind and open my heart to such a magical calling.

@__shespeaks

Currently I am Doula-ing all over Massachusetts and apprenticing with some local phenomenal midwives . I’m assisting mamas everywhere. Hosting sacred meetups for mamas

“ Just Be- Mamas United ” where women can come together and build with each other. My goal is to continue supporting mamas in my community. Create networks to connect women and families. It truly takes a village!

Being haitian to me is somewhere in between being bold and being humble. Sorry Kendrick sometimes I don’t feel like sitting down. Haiti was the first colony to gain it’s independence in 1804. I have the blood of warriors flowing through my veins. Goosebumps take over whenever I think of this. Being haitian to me means being connected to the sounds of the drums that my ancestors danced their way into freedom to. Being haitian means we all eat when mom cooks,  no one is left out. Being haitian means dancing once you hear kompa. Being haitian is enjoying the sweet taste of sugar cane. Being haitian is listening to your mom when she has a dream. Being haitian is serenity in the ability to allow creole to flow freely through my mouth. The language created by my people.  Being haitian reminds me to Just Be - Just Be still and allow the energy of my people to guide me and walk with me as my heart beats purposely.

My hopes for Haiti’s reproductive health system is to continue training midwives and educating haitian people. I hope to take part in one of these trainings.  Unfortunately Haiti has one of the highest maternal death rate. Which leave many children orphaned in their first weeks of life. This is scary. The reality is we need more help, we need more hands on deck. This needs to change and I hope to be apart of this!

@__shespeaks

If you can give one piece of advice in terms of becoming and/or being a midwife what would it be?

Whether Midwifery is a calling or a hobby stay open to whatever your path needs from you to unfold.

If you were a superhero what would your power be?

My superpower would be my intuition. I'd be Intuitive Girl.

Birth is... a right of passage

Womanhood is... my identity.

Motherhood is... a Journey

What is your favorite part of your body and why?

My feet because they bravely takes the lead and guides me to places where I'm sometimes not ready to be .

If you could live anywhere on earth, where would you live?

Somewhere warm, where I can walk barefoot, swing in a hammock and enjoy ocean/mountain views.

What’s your favorite song and why?

I get out- Lauryn Hill. Always a refreshing reminder to release myself from conforming to the boxes society tends to place us in.

What is the best thing about your life right now?

The best thing about my life right now is certainly my journey of healing thyself. 

What do you do for self care?

Self care for me is a daily practice. I wake up really early every morning and meditate. It’s vital for me to open myself up to the day and set the tone. Throughout the day, I remember to check in with myself to assure I am getting what I need emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.

@__shespeaks

When All Odds Bring About Balance... #MAAT

@tinyandbrave

I have now existed and lived for 36 years on this earth. I am blessed . I am humbled. I am grateful. And I will try to celebrate everyday possible.

It's been a year since I decided I would share my journey as a single mother pursuing her dreams of becoming a midwife. I wanted to share with you the four lessons I have learned in this year. The four lessons that stood out for me. The number 4 is the number of stability, order and completion of justice. So here is mines:

1. "Become comfortable with the uncomfortable." Dr. Eric Mason. On June 29th I landed in Dallas with my daughter to live in the home of a friend. It was a very difficult decision but I had to humble myself if I truly believe this was the path I was to pursue. Being a single woman in her 30's with a toddler; you want to avoid making a decision that will affect the well being of your child. My living situation was a private bedroom but shared common areas, with barely no privacy or the freedom to be me. I would beat myself many of times of the decision I made. I should be married, in love, own my own home, and pregnant with my 2nd child by my standard of success. I couldn't find a stable job in Dallas that would allow me to apprentice and provide for my daughter and I. People who thought who were friends began to distant themselves. And I was alone and homesick majority of the time. Many times I wanted to pack my stuff and move back to Philadelphia regretting my decision. In the mean time, I would study in the middle of the night while my daughter would sleep while having to wake up the next day to work for a bi-weekly stipend that didn't cover our needs.

After six months I relocated to Austin, Texas to work at a Birthing Center while my daughter stayed with my mother in Connecticut for a few months. The hardest part was when I would call and facetime her at night and she would refuse to speak to me. I felt as though she was forgetting who her mother was or thinking I wasn't her mother anymore. Was I fucking up my daughter's life and/or development? Was she angry at me? Did she feel abandoned by me? What was I missing seeing her do for the first time or how was she progressing or the lack of. But in the meantime I kept hustling and kept looking for work. Two weeks in Austin I released from my duties from the Birthing Center because they felt I was too green for the position as a birth assistant in a fast pace environment. Once again at that very moment I questioned all my decisions to move to Texas. But as quickly it came it quickly left and I wouldn't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and I did what I knew best-hustle. As I was walking out the building of that birth center I was sending emails to every possible midwife in Austin I knew and could find. By Thursday that week I found a new apprenticeship with two midwives for the price of one!!! It wasn't paying but it was better then the original plan. Most apprentice struggle just to find one preceptor let alone two.  I am TENACIOUS.

@tinyandbrave

2. Pay attention to your bad habits. I have never been able to stay at a job longer than two years. I admire folks who have been able to stay at their jobs for years. It is the skill of mastery. But for me I get bored very easily. Eventually I feel stagnate and a need for a new challenge. I needed to know that in whenever in serving my community there is no glass ceiling but that is the case in social service. I would always feel I would hit a wall which limit the extent of how I can help the people I serve. Reason why I still haven't gotten my license as a counselor after receiving my masters because then I would be force to adhere to the regulations of the state like placing a time limit on how long I can counsel someone. With midwifery I would constantly be challenged and learn something new.

I also think my inability to stay somewhere speaks of enterprising spirit who's a late bloomer, lol! I had to look back in  my past life and currently and saw I found joy in creating, motivating, and giving. I love inspiring others to be the best they can be. By nature I am passionate-for people and life. I see every challenge as an opportunity and I am constantly optimistic. I have come to accept adaptability. I am willing to take risk and execute, even when the fear of failure is singing in my ear. I rather fail trying then fail by not trying at all. But if truth be told if I try it's just another opportunity to solve an opportunity. 

There's so much I would love to share with you but I know I must also be patient. And many times some of those ideas and visions are just that and not meant to become more. So currently I am learning to distinguish what should be tossed to my mental trash? What should be delegated to someone else? What should be worth my time? What should be done now vs., later? Learn that NOW but don't be afraid to make mistakes and learn from them. I am a VISIONARY.

@tinyandbrave

3. Rejection can be a beautiful gift/surprise for something better. I did not allow myself to be distracted by temporary obstacles. You see I was willing to be homeless for my dreams/purpose; crazily-sane and in love with the process/journey. Don't be fooled by what's before you bc what's before you maybe just a distraction from what's really happening on your behalf. See through the filters, that we live in a world where God created and operates in ABUNDANCE. Don't let fear be your roadblock. Approaching the alters of this earth in this perspective, attracts all that is meant for you. 

People will tell you no or what they think for you. But will you accept what they say? Will you allow them to make their truth your truth? Whatever that area maybe - career, family, love, etc., that you're trying to obtain will you take the NO's personal or as protection? I have realized that many opportunities that I've tried to make happen were not really meant for me or I just wasn't ready to receive at that time. Now in my life that's how exactly how I see no's as... either I'm being protected from something, I'm not ready and/or there's something better... or I just simply create my own door, create from my very own obstacles and/or need within my community. My obstacles are usually my biggest motivation. I am an OVERCOMER.

4. Love hard while protecting your magic. Be genuine in all that you do no matter what and who opposes that. But be wise and intuitive on how you share yourself with people. Everyone will not be happy for you and sadly, many people may not be in an healthy place emotionally and/or mentally and spiritually to be a part of your team. Don't force relationships but let them organically happen. Realize that your willingness to wrestle through issues in your "friendships" and/or "business partnerships" doesn't mean they are willing or mature enough to do the same. Sometimes people even unconsciously trying to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power - because they see it and they don't want it to exist because it highlights their shortcomings. So create boundaries that will protect your spirit, your magic. When you fix your thinking then the problems fix themselves. Once you learn to be happy and at peace you won't tolerate being around people who operate in their lower existence-lower vibration unless they are ready to change that. And if they are quick to walk away then they never intended to stay. THEIR REJECTION IS YOUR PROTECTION. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. I am WHOLE.

And some people want to stay in their pain because it's comfortable and easy but that's actually a slow death. So make yourself a priority before you raise a banner for the next person and their dreams. SO DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU'RE PROUD AND EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM IS EQUALLY EATING. I am a GIVER.

@tinyandbrave

At the end of the day it comes down to the weighing and the condition of ones heart when dealing with all these lessons while being grateful and waiting in humble expectation at all times. Do the heartwork necessary to receive all God/Universe has intended for you to have. We are BLESSED and DIVINE.

Love, Peace and Blessings.

#MidwifeMonday: Yasmintheresa Garcia

Despite a long history of midwifery in the black community, black women currently represent less than 2% of the nation's reported 15,000 midwives. Relatedly, black women and infants experience the worst birth outcomes of any racial-ethnic cohort in the United States. And because of that once a month Tiny & Brave will be highlighting current and aspiring midwives of color. Today I will be highlighting the beautiful sister Yasmintheresa Garcia. 

When did you know you were called to Midwifery? 

As a young girl I had always had the aspiration to be a Doctor. My sisters always made fun and called me the bubble child because I was allergic to many things and often enjoyed visits to the doctors office. I found it so much fun to investigate everything my doctors would be doing when performing exams and suggesting prescriptions. I became an avid reader of health magazines and took full advantage of researching things about my anatomy. The female body I lived in became a masterpiece that I wanted to learn everything about since no one spoke much about its reoccurring changes in my household therefore I took initiative to learn about it myself. In junior high school two of my friends became pregnant and I immediately became their doula without knowing it was an actual occupation. I became extremely passionate about serving my sisters in learning more about their bodies. However it was not until I went away for college to California on my own, in pursuit of a fashion career that I found myself, and built up the courage to truly believe that I was capable of being that doctor I always knew I could be. It didn't matter to me anymore that no one else believed in me. I learned going to university for fashion was not my true purpose and by then I'd survived enough to know I was capable of becoming a servant for woman in need as a midwife.

Womanhood is a privilege bestowed upon a chosen being to carry out the example of God. A true demonstration of the cycle of life. Being born and creating life in many forms throughout each transitional phase is what womanhood is to me.

What do you do for self care?

I read for mental clarity, inspiration, and spiritual healing.

I am vegan therefore I treat myself to food that heal me from inside out like fresh fruits and veggies. I also exercise daily and enjoy taking care of my beauty with home made beauty products like my favorite, coffee body scrub. I also dance in my underwear in my mirror and pray to my body in gratitude of holding up each day. I never told that to anyone. 

If you can give one piece of advice in terms of becoming and/or being a midwife what would it be?

My advice to anyone becoming a midwife would be to learn the true history of midwifery from the historical granny midwives to the pioneers of modern day midwifery the Farm midwives of Summertown Tennessee. In order to respect and do this kind of work one must learn how it started and why we follow the scope of practice that differentiates us from Obstetrical care in hospitals. I would also say learn yourself as a woman, love yourself as a woman and take the best care of yourself as a woman because once you have empathy and love for yourself you are able to care for other woman in a selfless way. 

What is your favorite part of your body and why?  

My entire body was a gift from the universe so I love everything about it. It has been deemed a baby bearing body therefore I honor it all. But if I had to choose; My boobies. My boobies can feed my family and thats too dope! My vagina also provides protein but this is why I celebrate it all. 

What is the current theme song of your life? 

Rise Up by Andra Day is a reminder of the power in us we all have to live a fruitful life. 

Yasmintheresa Garcia is a Brooklyn native of Afro-Dominican descent. The developer of IbiOp App; The first App that list Doulas, Midwives, OBGYNs worldwide.

Yasmintheresa works as a Midwife in training, Prenatal & Postnatal Doula, Childbirth Educator, Vegan health coach and has founded YtheGirls “Hang out.” She has always had the desire to work with the community and help it progress in any way. Through her vision, creations and experiences she is dedicated to inspire others to produce self-sustainability in their communities.

HOW HAVING MY DAUGHTER SAVED MY LIFE→

A mater mea reader shares how her daughter’s arrival has changed her in ways she couldn’t have imagined before she arrived.

We had originally met in 1999 when I was 18, and I fell in love with him. Although we had known each other and dated on and off for 14 years, I still felt as though I didn’t fully know him. . He would only let me in but so much. One night we met for a walk, and it was the last time I was willing to see if we could make our relationship work, regardless of our differing faiths and his inability to commit. That night, after a long walk and talk, we decided to part ways.

I didn’t want to accept it, but I knew I was pregnant shortly after our talk. I had never had a pregnancy scare, but that internal voice got louder and louder and I couldn’t ignore it. I told a friend what I was sensing and she encouraged me to take a pregnancy test. On October 28, 2013, I took two tests and both were positive.

I was shock and in denial. I had dreamt of a beautiful wedding and a faithful husband—nothing like what I grew up with (I had witnessed my mother’s abusive relationship with her boyfriend). But here I was having to call and tell the man I didn’t want to be with that I was pregnant with his child. Instead of support, I was met with emotional abuse. . Our relationship became a series of empty promises and absences at prenatal appointments, the gender party, and baby shower.

I didn’t want to accept it, but I knew I was pregnant shortly after...

When I was six-months pregnant, I lost my job and made the difficult decision to move to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania from Massachusetts to live with a family of four boys and a dog in a basement. As grateful as I was to this family for housing me, it was a rough three months. Many times I would cry myself to sleep or just lay in the dark, wishing I had considered abortion. In my darkest moments, I would beg my baby’s father to be a part of his child’s life, and darker still, I contemplated suicide.

Regardless of my pain, I had to get a job, and move into my own apartment before the arrival of my baby. Into my 6/7 month into my pregnancy I began job hunting while trying to hide my pregnancy as best as possible by the clothes I wore. I eventually landed a job. I didn’t feel prepared for her arrival, but I tried to control the things I could. I searched for a doula and also sought out a birthing center because, I wanted a natural birth—having the extra support was important to me.

That support was necessary as my pregnancy also unearthed a lot of past abuse and issues. From being molested as a child and feeling rejected and used by my father and the men I had dated to living with herpes, I feared that my past emotional trauma would affect my labor. However, I was fortunate to have an incredible Christian community who loved, prayed, and supported me. I surrounded myself with other mothers and mothers-to-be to stay positive. My faith in God kept me going, and I prayed to Him even when I felt too ashamed.

On June 16, while I was spending time with my friends, I began having contractions. They were coming every 10 minutes, but I thought they were just Braxton Hicks, so I said goodbye to my friends and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night with contractions; they weren’t painful, but they were different from the contractions I had earlier. I called my doula, who said she was on her way. While I waited for her, I began my birthing process by sitting on my yoga ball, listening to some house music, and imagining I was dancing through my contractions.

Eventually my doula arrived and coached me through my contractions. I called my midwife and told her the contractions were about five minutes apart. She told me to head to the birthing center. By the time I arrived, I was 5cm dilated. My labor was progressing well, my team was awesome, and my doula and the nurse were able to keep me focused through various labor techniques and words of encouragement. A close friend was also there to sing worship songs during my labor.

When my water broke, it was filled with meconium [a newborn’s first feces]. My midwife instructed me to push, but a sudden rush of fear came over me and couldn’t do it. I was afraid of bringing my baby into the world to an unprepared mother.

I tried pushing for half an hour, but my baby wasn’t coming. My team re-examined me and realized I wasn’t fully dilated and that my cervix had swollen. The midwife gave me medication to take the edge off; She was concerned about my progress, and presented me my options: I could either take more medication to cope with my contractions or be transferred to the hospital and receive Pitocin and an epidural.

I feared that my past emotional trauma would affect my labor.

I chose to take more of the medication, because I really wanted to have my baby at the birthing center. But it wasn’t meant to be: My cervix was still swollen and my doula and nurse couldn’t get me to focus again. I was eventually transferred to the hospital. I couldn’t bare the pain from my contractions and felt as though I totally lost control over my labor.

At the hospital, I got an epidural and then Pitocin. My baby didn't respond well to the Pitocin—her heartbeat began dropping. A nurse told me in the kindest way that I may be getting a C-section. It was a possibility I didn’t want to accept. I wasn’t hard on myself for getting transferred to the hospital and for receiving epidural and Pitocin, but I couldn’t accept getting a C-section.  I’m a doula, and I have also  worked as a midwife assistant.I have seen  how doctors would resolve to a c-section without good reason and how women  put their power into another’s hand, because they were not knowledgeable of their choices. I didn’t see any immediate signs or concerns for  a c-section, and my spirit didn’t sense the urgency to. So I asked everyone in the room to pray.

Pitocin was eventually reintroduced at a lower dosage, and the baby responded well to it. When I couldn’t feel the contractions anymore, I took a moment to look around the room, and I saw I was surrounded by love. It was a demonstration of His grace and mercy. Everyone who I considered a friend was there, and the night was filled with smiles and laughter.

When I was fully dilated and ready to push, I requested a mirror to watch my baby enter into the world. Two of my close friends helped my legs up and I began to push. All I could do was smile as I saw her crowning. I reached out to feel her temple, and was overjoyed. At one point I noticed my baby was pushing forward; when the midwife asked me to push, I kindly said no, because I saw she was coming out on her own. When my baby’s head emerged, I began to push again to assist the rest of her body out. She was placed on my chest right after.

On June 17th my daughter was born and I named her Glorious-Zoelle Shaddai Verneus. Zoelle means “life/shining light” and Shaddai means “Almighty/The God of Heaven.” I was overjoyed to be part of a miraculous act where God used me to bring her into this world. I’m amazed by how the Lord created our bodies to do extraordinary things and the honor the Lord had granted me.

But when I arrived home with my daughter, I felt very overwhelmed and undone. I cried because I couldn’t help her latch on to my breast, making breastfeeding difficult and painful. I cried because hearing my daughter’s cry reminded me of her absentee father and that I was doing this alone. How would I care for her? I can barely take care for myself. The magnitude of my baby’s presence and power was so overwhelming that it highlighted my own shortcomings.

Then one day something clicked for me. Looking at my daughter, I realized I was witnessing God’s glory before me in such a small person. This epiphany ignited a fearless spirit in me.

My daughter is changing me in so many ways, ways I couldn’t have imagined before she arrived. One second I was begging for death to welcome me, and now I fear the very thought of ever leaving my daughter. I wouldn’t change anything I went through because it made me stronger, and gave me a calling. I’m finally able to see the grace, mercy, and glory within it all.

Barbara Verneus is a doula, family health advocate, and mother of one based in Philadelphia. She’s in the process of completing her masters in counseling with a concentration in marriage and family.