#SantaTatianna: Mother Divine & Baby Magick

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Name: Tatianna

Birth place: Fortuna, California

Current Residency: New Orleans, Louisiana

Occupation: Owner of MyUrbanIllumination.com, Tarot Reader & Healer/Spiritual Therapist

What was your upbringing? What is your cultural background?

I was raised in Brooklyn, NY my whole life - my parents were in the military when they had me and immediately flew back home once I arrived but divorced shortly after. As a result, my father gained full custody and i never established a relationship with my mother’s family until recently. My father’s end is predominantly Puerto Rican, with heavy Afro-Taino heritage & some Spaniard + Chilean influences, whereas my mother is Black, Native American, Polynesian w/ Indonesian roots. I grew up in the hood, living in the projects of Bedstuy and absolutely loving every minute of it. It was a melting pot of blacks and latinos so I had the best of both worlds & culture in my home. My father is an artist and was very adamant on exposing me to other forms of life, art, music, and cultures one could not access in the hood at a very young age, so we always spent our weekends visiting museums, traveling or doing fun activities that kept my brain sharp.

Are any of the women or men in your family (ancestors included) involved in spiritual work/divination?

My father is technically an open Medium but a non-practicing one. It’s a skillset that suddenly came to him once my grandfather passed and he’s still navigating its realms but it’s definitely one that intimidates him and one that he has no control of. He’s the only one I’m aware of from that lineage that has been consciously open to the spirit world and spirit work, but hasn’t truly dived into it. On my mother’s end, my aunts and uncles have revealed to me that Magick runs heavily in our blood line. My Great-Grandmother & Grandmother practiced the dark arts consciously in their younger years and since seeing the reprocussions of such actions have claimed a more religious life. I have also been told that my Mother has practiced dabbling in magic but I’m not aware of the extent as my family can be hush-hush about these things. I am aware that I had a great-aunt that passed in her younger years and was well versed in Tarot, so it certainly runs on both ends.

So when did you know you were called to this? Do you mind sharing your journey?

Magick has always been a prevalent force in my life. Raised by a Pisces dad, I was exposed to the possibilities of other worlds existing through quantum physics, various ways of connecting to ourselves spiritually and knowing that we’re more than just a physical body. Our home was filled with books on Edgar Cayce, Nostradamus, Buddhism, Taoism, Creative Visualization, How to read Auras and balance Chakras, etc, so I was exposed to spirituality, healing and the power of our minds at a very early age. I was supported to discover my own path in all aspects of life and was allowed freedom to explore whatever spiritual practices and traditions that I most resonated with as long as they came with good & pure intentions. Essentially, I was taught that we are all interconnected and in many ways, most practices if not all, have commonalities that make them the same, just varying in personal mythologies, pathways and perspectives.

Knowing this, I dived into particular practices that I feel best exemplified my connection to the divine. Ancestral wise, my Puerto-Rican grandma always made “remedios,” herbal remedies that were home-made conjure healing tinctures that served to cure or aid people with their intentions because she was raised in “el campo,” which is essentially the nature ghettos of P.R, parts that were deemed “uncivilized” and some what primitive compared to the industrial parts of the land. I gained the love for learning about herbs and mixing my own tinctures and oils from her and our Afro-Latino customs. She is Christian (Catholic) with an open mind, often curious about magic yet held some resistance towards it, especially Santeria since her exposure was generally negative and taboo. Her compassion and acceptance for all walks of life and skepticism towards Santeria, made me more of a curious person to want to dive in and explore African Spirituality and ancestral magic as a tool for self-transformation and healing.

With Tarot in particular, I ended up discover a deck of cards as a child in her home and playing with them as if I could read cards (playing cards mind you). No one ever taught me or introduced me into divination. It was an organic process and an innate attraction that I’ve always had in me. I also would read palms at that age, with no explanation of what i was doing. I thought it was a game at the time and i never questioned why i was playing it, lol. I curiosity of this world kept growing and i would read books on paganism and meditation, worked in spiritual shops from my teens and onward and read there as a Tarot practitioner while learning how to perform spells & ritual work for clients. Spirituality & Magic has always been a part of my life.

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What was the event or moment that confirmed this was your calling?

There was never a definitive time where I realized this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I focused a majority of my life dancing professionally and teaching dance, while doing Tarot on the side but it wasn’t until my father mentioned that I could really create it into a great online business, after listening to an NPR interview w/ a woman who had quit her corporate job to start an online tarot business. The impact that my readings have on the lives of others, sustains me and lets me know that I’m serving one of my many purposes. But I believe that I have many callings in life, not just this one.

How did you come up with Urban Illumination?

I got the idea from working in several Metaphysical, Botanica & Spiritual shops throughout the years and feeling like they were missing something. Either the market was wicked gentrified and Spirituality was being sold as a lifestyle gimmick or the environment was unwelcoming or there wasn’t enough education that empowered customers to learn or know more of this world. I envisioned My Urban Illumination as a platform that would appeal those from all walks of life and educate them on various spiritual traditions and practices that can help empower their path, strengthen their connection to Spirit and demystify the truth of these practices. I was inspired by my neighborhood in Bedstuy, and how it would be amazing to have some spiritual outlet in an urban environment that focused on mindfulness, conscious growth and spiritual knowledge of self, hence, My Urban Illumination.

What makes you different from other energy workers?

A couple of things: I’ve been doing this for over 2 decades, so I didn’t just venture into the practice when it became popularized within the past couple of years. Magic has always been a part of my story and life, perhaps that’s why so many people connect with my messages, because i’ve accumulated enough references and experience to write about over time and make it relatable to others on a universal level. I also consider myself a well-rounded person, who has interests and talents other than spiritual/energy work. Sometime energy workers can tie themselves into an identity where they only associate with spiritual matters. I’m a down-to-earth person with many interests and passions that i communicate about and can integrate into my spiritual practice. It’s good for people to know that you’re realistic and approachable, rather than all this love & light fluff. I’m still a Brooklyn girl at heart that’s testing out what she preaches and sometimes gets it wrong too.

What are your rituals to keep yourself balanced and in tuned?

It’s more of the simple things that work for me. I engage in intentional prayer when I wake, over the food and drinks I take and before I sleep, is a must. I take my time in the morning to relax with my fiance and we both check in energetically on how we’re feeling, what we’re setting out to do for the day while eating breakfast, cuddling and pulling each other’s cards. We also pray together regarding what we are grateful for and what we are looking to create in our lives; i see this more of claiming what you want and projecting gratitude and appreciation as well. This keeps us grounded and aware of our ancestors, spirits and higher selves - and is a link that keeps us connected. I take frequent spiritual baths to cleanse myself from all the work and energy I’ve been doing with clients and from picking up around town and I enjoy using spiritual sprays w/ blessed water & herbs as a refreshment. Also, frequently checking in with my Babalawo, which is a close friend of ours, also helps to keep me balanced and on the right path.

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What are the various spiritual paths that you pull from to create your own center of beliefs?

I find that all spiritual paths share a common thread, which is their connection to Source energy & that consciousness is embedded in us all. So the study of consciousness & quantum physics, has always been a part of my path from a spiritual/scientific standpoint. It helps me understand the mechanics behind my power as a spirit being in a physical body. I pull predominantly from African-Spiritual practices & belief systems, including Ifa, some Haitian Vodou ideologies and now that i’m in New Orleans, I’m increasingly incorporating Hoodoo practices into my everyday life.

When did you discover you were with child/pregnant? Do you mind sharing your experience? Was it a conscious or unconscious conception?

February 1st, the day that Beyonce made her official announcement with the twins funny enough, I had purchased a pregnancy test that I took while on a quick 15 min break from an online Astrology course I was taking. I had suspicions that I could be pregnant but since Jay & I took precautionary measure, I thought perhaps I could just have have a late cycle - but the test came out positive. It was an overwhelming experience because we didn’t plan it but I can’t say that the baby didn’t go unnoticed. I had received guidance from 4 intuitives/psychics prior to me moving to New Orleans that all picked up on a child. Also the time I had conceived #babymagic was the very same time a year prior that I had experienced a loss, in which I was advised through one my spirit guides that a child would arrive once I could learn from the experience and be more savvy with the spirit realm. I was told that my future child would guide me, so although initially I felt apprehensive about the pregnancy, I quickly grew to accept and love this blessing. This is why I gave her the label #babymagic, because in many ways, she was prophesied to me.

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Now that you are soon-to-be mom how has it affected your work?

I’m honoring myself more than ever, whereas I used to throw myself into my work and disregard boundaries, my personal energy and need for breaks. I’ve gotten fearless in communicating my expectations and demands, more creative in my approach, more confident in my own judgement and intuition and certainly more respectful of my time, space and energy - especially now that my daughter is sharing that. I have had a boost of drive and passion, to the point that I can see myself dedicating time to a trillion other side projects but most importantly being pregnant has shown me how to slow down and honor this gradual pace. I’m not working at the same speed as I have before but as result, I’ve been happier and mentally healthier.

Do you mind sharing your expectations and/or fears in becoming a mother?

I expect to conquer it all with my child and to introduce to her that it’s possible with will power, discipline and love. I don’t anticipate slowing down in my path just because I’m a mother, having a child empowers me to do it all and I’m excited to show this world to her, as I didn’t have my own mother to show me. I want her to know the power of magic that lies within her and to guide her in using it to transform the world around her. I have no fears; everything is in divine order and I was made for this.

What have you learned about yourself thus far during your pregnancy?

Ha! This is something Jay and I both learned individually of each other, and that is, we’re too nice. Boundaries were important before but now that I’m in mama lioness mode, they’re more important more than ever. I used to be tactful and direct in delivering my messages but now I don’t care. I’m unapologetic with expressing what I like/ don’t like, who I like and don’t like and taking extra measure to protect myself and my family. I now recognize the power of my voice and everyday the power of my being as a whole. The fact that I have the ability to conceive a child is still surreal to me. It makes me feel unstoppable in many ways, so I’m learning that there’s just so much I can be achieving and I’ve barely scratched the surface.

Has your little one intuitively spoken to you and if so, do you mind sharing one experience you feel comfortable sharing?

She’s speaks all the time, telepathically! I joke to people and say that i’m birthing a dragon, a powerhouse of sorts but I truly believe it. Our connection has been immediate from the start and she contains immense fire energy, an undeniable commanding presence mixed with grace and playful curiosity.

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What would you define as a healthy spirit worker?

Someone who can discern what is the truth for themselves and doesn’t force others to follow their views but empowers them to discover their own connection to spirit. They enforce proper boundaries to respect themselves & others.

Define Motherhood

The ability to access an innate energy of possibility and creativity within and to hone that through love, accountability and action. It is acknowledgement and respect towards the responsibilities one has with their manifestations, physical and non-physical and the awareness that they can do it all as a woman. It is the sacrifice one takes to cultivate a better, more conscious version of themselves in their child. It is seeing the beauty in every experience and how that gives birth to something greater in retrospect.

Define Femininity

The ability to flow with what is, trusting in the magic of the universe and to be receptive to one’s power as a channel of spirit. It is the power of being and containing all possibilities in one.

Define Power

The ability to influence others through your own actions, emotions and thoughts. A force that wills us to manifest our dreams and desires.

Define Spirituality

One’s personal connection to the divine and how they perceive themselves as part of the divine.

Define Love

Peaceful acceptance and appreciation of what is. A resonance with your truth and what is right for you.

Define Wisdom

Timeless resources or advice you can use to help you evolve from your current state of being.

What are some words of wisdom you would share for someone pursuing this path?

This path is an ever evolving one. Who you were 2 weeks ago isn’t who you are now, accept that change is inevitable and don’t resist it. Take sacred time to learn yourself more than ever before, to ask yourself deep introspective questions and to remain a healthy skeptic. Accept all forms of who you show up to be in this body, as you gracefully learn how to create which one is most appropriate for you. And in all transitions, be fearless in your quest for truth, never compromise your own gut and feelings. You know what’s best for you.

IF you don't know yet... Do you think it's a Boy or Girl?

#BabyMagic is a firey Girl!!!

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#FutureFemmeSage: Stephanie "Be" Joseph

@__shespeaks

@__shespeaks

"There is a secret in our culture and it’s not that birth is painful, but that women are strong” Laura Stavoe

I knew I was called to Midwifery before I even knew what Midwifery was.  

Let's take a blast to the past when I told my sisters how important it was for me to have their placentas after giving birth. If they didn't want it, that is. They were both confused and per usual thought i was crazy. As the middle child of 5, being crazy was nothing new to me. Something shifted in me that day. Honestly I don't know how I even knew about placentas. Maybe i heard it somewhere, or maybe it was the sweet whisper from my beloved spirit. The research began shortly after. From watching animals give birth on the animal planet. To watching women give birth on TLC. My mother who is a nurse. Even took me with her to work on bring your daughter to work day. Which of course this was the perfect opportunity to ask as many questions as i could think of.

@__Shespeaks

@__Shespeaks

Growing up I have always been aware of my divine feminine energy and the ability i had to strongly express myself. Which as a young Haitian women came with its obstacles. I was also quick to notice when other young women were not able to channel their inner voices. I stood up for those women, and we grew into our bodies together. I strongly believe that we all should stand together, empower, up lift, guide, encourage and support one another. It is through this that we will be guided back to our roots and the divinity within one another.

The fascination of reproductive health continued as i journeyed through a Vo Tech High School focused on Healthcare. Convinced that I was going to be a OB-GYN. Shortly after doing research I became aware of how much conventional schooling i would have to endure. Which I was not excited about at all. I was not aware of the different paths that could be taken to become a midwife, or even having the option to be a Doula. Without even knowing i Doula-ed for a friend in high school. I didn’t get to keep her placenta, but it was a life changing experience.

@__Shespeaks

@__Shespeaks

After graduating from high school I returned to teach a “Girls 101” class. Where I facilitated a sacred therapeutic space for young teens to express themselves and showcase their creativity through dance. I feel in love with the sacred sisterhood, the trust, the transformation with all of the inside work that was being done. I wanted to do more.The question was how? Our classes came to an end. These amazing young women all left to graduate. I left with my hair chopped off and a whole new perspective of life.

Avoiding the conventional schooling I found myself journeying through beauty school where i believed that this was a part of the transformation for women. I thought this could suffice my calling to become a Midwife. After becoming licensed as a cosmetologist and working in a few hair salons. I knew this just wasn’t enough. My spirit was not satisfied.

@__Shespeaks

@__Shespeaks

My soul work ignited the day my niece transitioned to the physical world.  I supported my sister in every way that i could, but it just didn't feel like enough.  I felt very strong that the treatment she received at the hospital could’ve been better. In so many ways.  Was it because she was a young black women? Did they think she was uneducated?? Why were so many nurses involved? Why were there so many people in the room?  So many questions fluttered my mind.

With the belief that the environment you are born into sets the tone for the rest of your life. I took a vow this day to honor that belief. To find the answers to those questions and support other women, their families and mine too. So we are armed with knowledge to make informed decisions. That aren’t made from fear.

“ If you don’t know your options, you don’t have any” . After searching for a Doula training that would align with my philosophy, I later trained with Ancient Songs Doula Services with Chanel- Porchia and Patricia Thomas based in Brooklyn NY. Then I volunteered at a local hospital as a Doula for young moms.The universe threw me in shortly after that I trained with Mercy In Action with the Penwells based in Idaho. I become a Certified Childbirth Educator through GentleBIrth Institute. I’ve trained with Boston Doula ProjectPAIL with Nnkea Hall and ROSE. Along this journey I have been blessed to have met so many amazing humans. Built some amazing sisterhoods.  

So much has been learned. I am fortunate to have been able to quiet my mind and open my heart to such a magical calling.

@__shespeaks

@__shespeaks

Currently I am Doula-ing all over Massachusetts and apprenticing with some local phenomenal midwives . I’m assisting mamas everywhere. Hosting sacred meetups for mamas

“ Just Be- Mamas United ” where women can come together and build with each other. My goal is to continue supporting mamas in my community. Create networks to connect women and families. It truly takes a village!

Being haitian to me is somewhere in between being bold and being humble. Sorry Kendrick sometimes I don’t feel like sitting down. Haiti was the first colony to gain it’s independence in 1804. I have the blood of warriors flowing through my veins. Goosebumps take over whenever I think of this. Being haitian to me means being connected to the sounds of the drums that my ancestors danced their way into freedom to. Being haitian means we all eat when mom cooks,  no one is left out. Being haitian means dancing once you hear kompa. Being haitian is enjoying the sweet taste of sugar cane. Being haitian is listening to your mom when she has a dream. Being haitian is serenity in the ability to allow creole to flow freely through my mouth. The language created by my people.  Being haitian reminds me to Just Be - Just Be still and allow the energy of my people to guide me and walk with me as my heart beats purposely.

My hopes for Haiti’s reproductive health system is to continue training midwives and educating haitian people. I hope to take part in one of these trainings.  Unfortunately Haiti has one of the highest maternal death rate. Which leave many children orphaned in their first weeks of life. This is scary. The reality is we need more help, we need more hands on deck. This needs to change and I hope to be apart of this!

@__shespeaks

@__shespeaks

If you can give one piece of advice in terms of becoming and/or being a midwife what would it be?

Whether Midwifery is a calling or a hobby stay open to whatever your path needs from you to unfold.

If you were a superhero what would your power be?

My superpower would be my intuition. I'd be Intuitive Girl.

Birth is... a right of passage

Womanhood is... my identity.

Motherhood is... a Journey

What is your favorite part of your body and why?

My feet because they bravely takes the lead and guides me to places where I'm sometimes not ready to be .

If you could live anywhere on earth, where would you live?

Somewhere warm, where I can walk barefoot, swing in a hammock and enjoy ocean/mountain views.

What’s your favorite song and why?

I get out- Lauryn Hill. Always a refreshing reminder to release myself from conforming to the boxes society tends to place us in.

What is the best thing about your life right now?

The best thing about my life right now is certainly my journey of healing thyself. 

What do you do for self care?

Self care for me is a daily practice. I wake up really early every morning and meditate. It’s vital for me to open myself up to the day and set the tone. Throughout the day, I remember to check in with myself to assure I am getting what I need emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.

@__shespeaks

@__shespeaks

When All Odds Bring About Balance... #MAAT

@tinyandbrave

@tinyandbrave

I have now existed and lived for 36 years on this earth. I am blessed . I am humbled. I am grateful. And I will try to celebrate everyday possible.

It's been a year since I decided I would share my journey as a single mother pursuing her dreams of becoming a midwife. I wanted to share with you the four lessons I have learned in this year. The four lessons that stood out for me. The number 4 is the number of stability, order and completion of justice. So here is mines:

1. "Become comfortable with the uncomfortable." Dr. Eric Mason. On June 29th I landed in Dallas with my daughter to live in the home of a friend. It was a very difficult decision but I had to humble myself if I truly believe this was the path I was to pursue. Being a single woman in her 30's with a toddler; you want to avoid making a decision that will affect the well being of your child. My living situation was a private bedroom but shared common areas, with barely no privacy or the freedom to be me. I would beat myself many of times of the decision I made. I should be married, in love, own my own home, and pregnant with my 2nd child by my standard of success. I couldn't find a stable job in Dallas that would allow me to apprentice and provide for my daughter and I. People who thought who were friends began to distant themselves. And I was alone and homesick majority of the time. Many times I wanted to pack my stuff and move back to Philadelphia regretting my decision. In the mean time, I would study in the middle of the night while my daughter would sleep while having to wake up the next day to work for a bi-weekly stipend that didn't cover our needs.

After six months I relocated to Austin, Texas to work at a Birthing Center while my daughter stayed with my mother in Connecticut for a few months. The hardest part was when I would call and facetime her at night and she would refuse to speak to me. I felt as though she was forgetting who her mother was or thinking I wasn't her mother anymore. Was I fucking up my daughter's life and/or development? Was she angry at me? Did she feel abandoned by me? What was I missing seeing her do for the first time or how was she progressing or the lack of. But in the meantime I kept hustling and kept looking for work. Two weeks in Austin I released from my duties from the Birthing Center because they felt I was too green for the position as a birth assistant in a fast pace environment. Once again at that very moment I questioned all my decisions to move to Texas. But as quickly it came it quickly left and I wouldn't allow myself to feel sorry for myself and I did what I knew best-hustle. As I was walking out the building of that birth center I was sending emails to every possible midwife in Austin I knew and could find. By Thursday that week I found a new apprenticeship with two midwives for the price of one!!! It wasn't paying but it was better then the original plan. Most apprentice struggle just to find one preceptor let alone two.  I am TENACIOUS.

@tinyandbrave

@tinyandbrave

2. Pay attention to your bad habits. I have never been able to stay at a job longer than two years. I admire folks who have been able to stay at their jobs for years. It is the skill of mastery. But for me I get bored very easily. Eventually I feel stagnate and a need for a new challenge. I needed to know that in whenever in serving my community there is no glass ceiling but that is the case in social service. I would always feel I would hit a wall which limit the extent of how I can help the people I serve. Reason why I still haven't gotten my license as a counselor after receiving my masters because then I would be force to adhere to the regulations of the state like placing a time limit on how long I can counsel someone. With midwifery I would constantly be challenged and learn something new.

I also think my inability to stay somewhere speaks of enterprising spirit who's a late bloomer, lol! I had to look back in  my past life and currently and saw I found joy in creating, motivating, and giving. I love inspiring others to be the best they can be. By nature I am passionate-for people and life. I see every challenge as an opportunity and I am constantly optimistic. I have come to accept adaptability. I am willing to take risk and execute, even when the fear of failure is singing in my ear. I rather fail trying then fail by not trying at all. But if truth be told if I try it's just another opportunity to solve an opportunity. 

There's so much I would love to share with you but I know I must also be patient. And many times some of those ideas and visions are just that and not meant to become more. So currently I am learning to distinguish what should be tossed to my mental trash? What should be delegated to someone else? What should be worth my time? What should be done now vs., later? Learn that NOW but don't be afraid to make mistakes and learn from them. I am a VISIONARY.

@tinyandbrave

@tinyandbrave

3. Rejection can be a beautiful gift/surprise for something better. I did not allow myself to be distracted by temporary obstacles. You see I was willing to be homeless for my dreams/purpose; crazily-sane and in love with the process/journey. Don't be fooled by what's before you bc what's before you maybe just a distraction from what's really happening on your behalf. See through the filters, that we live in a world where God created and operates in ABUNDANCE. Don't let fear be your roadblock. Approaching the alters of this earth in this perspective, attracts all that is meant for you. 

People will tell you no or what they think for you. But will you accept what they say? Will you allow them to make their truth your truth? Whatever that area maybe - career, family, love, etc., that you're trying to obtain will you take the NO's personal or as protection? I have realized that many opportunities that I've tried to make happen were not really meant for me or I just wasn't ready to receive at that time. Now in my life that's how exactly how I see no's as... either I'm being protected from something, I'm not ready and/or there's something better... or I just simply create my own door, create from my very own obstacles and/or need within my community. My obstacles are usually my biggest motivation. I am an OVERCOMER.

4. Love hard while protecting your magic. Be genuine in all that you do no matter what and who opposes that. But be wise and intuitive on how you share yourself with people. Everyone will not be happy for you and sadly, many people may not be in an healthy place emotionally and/or mentally and spiritually to be a part of your team. Don't force relationships but let them organically happen. Realize that your willingness to wrestle through issues in your "friendships" and/or "business partnerships" doesn't mean they are willing or mature enough to do the same. Sometimes people even unconsciously trying to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power - because they see it and they don't want it to exist because it highlights their shortcomings. So create boundaries that will protect your spirit, your magic. When you fix your thinking then the problems fix themselves. Once you learn to be happy and at peace you won't tolerate being around people who operate in their lower existence-lower vibration unless they are ready to change that. And if they are quick to walk away then they never intended to stay. THEIR REJECTION IS YOUR PROTECTION. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. I am WHOLE.

And some people want to stay in their pain because it's comfortable and easy but that's actually a slow death. So make yourself a priority before you raise a banner for the next person and their dreams. SO DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU'RE PROUD AND EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM IS EQUALLY EATING. I am a GIVER.

@tinyandbrave

@tinyandbrave

At the end of the day it comes down to the weighing and the condition of ones heart when dealing with all these lessons while being grateful and waiting in humble expectation at all times. Do the heartwork necessary to receive all God/Universe has intended for you to have. We are BLESSED and DIVINE.

Love, Peace and Blessings.

#AspiringMidwife: Kamil El

Every mother has a birth story, different for every child. I am honored to have had the euphoria of pregnancy and later birth. I also have had the heartbreak of discovering that my child would have a lifelong disability. The process of grieving for the child I dreamed of and the determination to love the child I have influenced my birth stories. I write to share their beginning in the most unlikely of circumstances.

As a senior at the Philadelphia High School for Girls, I was going to be the first of my family to attend college. I was also pregnant. My best friend, H., was pregnant too. (We still do everything together.) She was farther along than me. I told her I had no intention of carrying the pregnancy to term. Without batting an eye we planned how and when I would end the pregnancy without my family finding out. Graduation was two weeks away so we moved quickly. She borrowed her mom’s car and drove me to the pre-procedure appt and back for the procedure. I was already overcome with emotion and fear. H. was steadfast that she would be there the whole time. We did a drive by to survey parking. To our complete horror there was an anti-abortion protest in full swing! At least 300 people were blocking the entrance to Planned Parenthood. I wanted to leave but she would not let me. She was nine months pregnant and dragging me down the street, through throngs of protesters. They were shouting, shoving pictures at us, it was really unnerving. Still, we got through it undeterred. When it came time to pay for the procedure the fee was $100 more than budgeted. My ultrasound had indicated that I was further along than originally estimated. I did not have the money or means of getting it. All I remember thinking was that it was a sign from God that the entire effort was wrong. The nurse counseled me and offered financial assistance from the Women’s Medical Fund (WMF). WMF provides financial assistance to women in Southeastern PA who cannot afford to terminate a pregnancy. All she asked is that I pay back the money as soon I could. I promised.

After the procedure, my dear H., drove us back to her house. I could not go home. My mother would know something was up. As I lay there, contemplating the meaning of life and what my purpose was… H. explodes in the room to announce that her water had broken. Stunned is an understatement. How could this day have gotten any worse? Six hours later I was holding her tiny, beautiful daughter. I felt guilty all over again. I made my second promise that day. When the time was right, I would do my part to ensure that children are born into the most fertile conditions possible.

Later when I reached the seasoned age of 24, my husband and I decided to stop not trying to get pregnant. A few months went by. Then we started keeping track of our efforts. After about a year we saw an OB. The visit was two words, cold and indifferent. I sought out the care of a Midwife.

She taught me how to track ovulation and check cervical mucus for fertility. She also had me take Nettle and Red Clover to enhance fertility. The tiny, out of the box, woman rocked my proverbial world. In less than two months we were expecting. She also packed up shop to head for Peru to study with a Shaman. Midwives can do that apparently. Before leaving though she referred me to another completely different but equally amazing Midwife.

I went on to have a planned Home Birth. It was shocking experience for our whole family. I invited as many people as I could. My Midwife, Kathy, spent the night on my bedroom floor while I labored through the night. In the early daybreak hours she delivered my own, not tiny, beautiful baby girl. Afterwards my family and friends had brunch and birthday cake. I slept.

Kathy was with me through the birth of my second child and his subsequent diagnosis of Autism. Through tears I asked her if my choice to be induced could have caused it. She hugged me tight. Midwives can apparently do that too. I am finished having children but I still see Kathy. She inspires me to be more than I dreamed. She helped me find confidence to grieve for the son I dreamed of, accept the son I have, and the courage to be the Mother he needs. I used that strength when I attended the births of friends and family. Ultimately, I decided to finally heed my calling to Midwifery.

I am in my third term and doing very well. I like my courses and cohort group. The school is very supportive. It is a departure from my accelerated second degree BSN program. The pace is still accelerated but seems much more manageable with just two courses per term. I will complete all my didactic work first then move on to clinical toward the end of MSN next year. I will move into the DNP portion the program in 2019.

A low occurred when I was at Upenn and it became glaringly apparent that there was NO way I would be able to finance my education there. I was maxed out on student loans and I would have to leave my children with a sitter twice a week for class. I looked for another option in Frontier Nursing University a distance midwifery education program for nurses. It has been smooth sailing ever since. I feel like I’m on the right path for me.

My goal is to live life fully and help others do the same in whatever capacity that means for them. Just keeping it simple, and reaching as many women as I can. Ideally I dream about having a homebirth/birthcenter practice and also having hospital privileges.

How has it been raising an autistic child and especially now you are entering the birth world? 

Raising my son while pursuing midwifery I only work on the weekends. Malcolm is amazed that I am a nurse. I used to be a teacher. He asks about the babies in a matter of fact way. Malcolm is a happy person. It is always sunny for him. His only complaint would come if I forgot to bring donuts home. It’s become a ritual when I go to work.

If you can give one piece of advice in terms of becoming and/or being a midwife what would it be?

I would say to research the current legislation in your state. Then consider the different avenues to practice. There are not the same and require varying levels of training and time. 

What makes you up in the middle of the night? 

I am always worry that I'm not doing enough for my children, for my people. I definitely struggle from 'imposter syndrome' too. I relive my shifts over and over especially when their tough. 

Birth is...an unforgettable, divine and perspective altering experience. 

Motherhood is... the hardest and most fulfilling work I have ever done. It can also be intensely painful and you have to acknowledge that when you become a mother. 

If you were given three wishes, what would you wish for?

This is so selfish but I would ask to remove autism from my son. 

I would ask for the freedom of resources to travel the world with my family. 

And Peace for all. 

What is the best thing about your life right now?

I actually really like my job. I'm working as a labor and delivery nurse. I love being with women during their labor. Women never cease to amaze.

What do you do for self care?

The best things I do for myself are eating well and keeping hydrated water. I cherish my alone time too. It is the best therapy. 

Read more of Kamil's story and her son at http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:DuakU6czUV0J:www.sa-lives.com/entry/28/a-day-in-the-life-malcolm-el+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

A Mother's Covenant...

On a recent visit to Berlin, a place I hadn’t been to in over 20 years, I was entranced by the Selfie culture happening at the Holocaust Memorial in the middle of this progressive, vibrant city. Filled with a majority of foreigners on holiday, mixed with a handful of young local Germans, almost everyone had an iphone and were taking quirky, upbeat photo's on what were meant to represent the tombstones of the 6 million Jews murdered in the Holocaust. The only other Holocaust Memorial I have been to is right outside of Jerusalem and is divided into several aspects of the Holocaust, the most somber being the Children’s Memorial which is a dark room, where a visual image of a candle is shown, one at a time, as one by one the names of the 1.5 million murdered children are said aloud, along with their ages and their countries of origin. I think I only made it through 50 or so names, it was enough, and felt like a lifetime, I left feeling drained and heavy, a sharp contrast to the brevity and almost fun atmosphere of the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin.

 

As I looked around the memorial in Berlin with visitors posing for selfies what was clear to me is how free the younger generation of Germans are from the history. For them it is already history. They have moved on. In contrast, were I live in Israel there is not a day that goes by that strong reminders of the Holocaust are not used by the government, by celebrities, by the media in order to remind us of the horrors and the tragedy that befell the Jewish people. When I first met my husband and asked what it was like living in Israel where there is no Christmas, or Halloween, barely a New Years, or Thanksgiving…..and only Jewish holidays and culture are acknowledged , he answered that every Jewish holiday relives that ‘ you tried to kill us, so we killed you, let’s celebrate’.

Now after having lived in Israel for almost 10 years, the only place I have ever mothered my three children, I too live out this legacy. From periods of armed conflict when the survival mentality gets activated and militarism comes to the forefront of our daily lives, to the collective motherhood over obsessing about whether our children have had enough to eat, past traumas are easily reactivated. Some of these traumas are passed down genetically from generation to generation in our DNA. The research on epigenetics has shown that like trauma from Colonialization and Occupation, or Slave Trauma Syndrome when a Peoples have been enslaved, there is specific cellular trauma from having endured genocide such as in the Holocaust. But I think the bigger impact is from the coping mechanisms and emotional patterns that get passed down generationally that are more complex about scarcity, not trusting and the world being a hostile place.  A couple of years ago I had just given birth to my third baby when the war broke out here. There was one incident when a missile was landing very close to our house and it set off the neighborhood siren alerting us to run to a bomb shelter. I couldn’t respond in time and so I huddled with my newborn and two older children in the living room until it was over. The incident left me fired up, edgy, angry, blaming my husband for bringing me to this conflict ridden land and overwhelmed. This is one dramatic incident that I experienced personally but it was enough for me to understand some of the automatic responses to stress that people have here. At a certain point I made a conscious decision that despite the very real history of genocide, refugees and turmoil along with intermittent violence and conflict that reactivates those historical traumas, I would not passively accept this for my children’s worldview. I realized that I needed to be loud and clear with my children that the world is not ‘ out to get them ‘, an idea perpetuated here based on a really messy, tangled combination of very legitimatecriticism and outrage at Israel for the Occupation of the Palestinian People along with baseless toxic Anti-Semitism.  

 

As a mother I make sure that we all discuss what WE THINK about a situation not what we are being told. We also practice how the same situation might look if we were a different ethnicity in a different country. Living in a country where identity is collective along with individual we talk about WHY we do the things we do, from a Brit Mila or joining the Army ( even though it is illegal not to do the army in Israel). I try to make the ‘ lessons of the Holocaust’, not specific about the Jewish People but about Universal principles for handling prejudice and inequity. Social Justice and political involvement is woven into our lives even though it is not cool but actually brings a lot of suspicion from both ‘sides’. Often we are considered naïve at best and a traitor at worst. But, I see that my children’s hearts are open to embrace all peoples and their minds are critical of all group think imposed on them.

genevieve.family-1489598830642.jpg

 

As a mother, I am working through my own family trauma and trying to release patterns that are destructive. At the same time I try to be conscious of releasing generational trauma and embracing the aspects of resilience that have been carried forward. Sometimes all this baggage is very very distant and other times it feels like a heave weight. For my own peace of mind I have developed practices to work though the more burdensome aspects of generational and persona trauma. Along with eating replenishing foods, making sure I have a handful of close girlfriends I can share with, getting enough rest and staying involved in activities that are fulfilling I believe the most important practice is a deep self love. Self love to me means relentless pursuit of upholding my self worth. This has been a practice that has evolved in recent years of really checking in on whether people, places, situations are a good fit for me. Asking myself if I’m vibing with what is happening around me. Being discerning about who has earned my trust and remembering that ‘ hurt people hurt people’ so that I have to surround myself with people who are capable of responding in a way that supports my most evolved self.

 

I am really not someone with all the answers but I do believe that how we feel is our truest guide to what we should pursue. I am becoming the woman I want to be, more honest with myself, ready to be clear about what I need and willing to put my wellbeing first. I do believe that healing is an ongoing, and not linear process, but that even the deepest wounds can be transcended.

 

I wish for us all the wisdom strength and resilience of our ancestors and freedom from the collective burdens that no longer serve us.

 

With love, genevieve   

I am a therapist with an M.A. in Psychology and recently earned certification in Narrative Family Therapy. I am also a certified Birth and Post Partum Doula and Childbirth Educator. I have been deeply active in peace activism and social justice work for over 20 years. Most importantly to me I am a married mother of 3.

After working with women in therapeutic settings for years, once I gave birth to my daughter I was caught off guard at how unprepared I felt to cope with early motherhood.  I felt a deep longing for family support and community and it seemed as though something very important was missing. While I was still breastfeeding and on maternity leave I began taking a course as a birth doula. Along with all the incredible knowledge I gained about pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum transition, the real wisdom was found within the healing that took place within our motherhood collective. My fellow doula students became my motherhood community as we shared family challenges, asked questions about our baby’s development and shared women’s wisdom traditions, remedies and practices.

After supporting women as a birth and post partum doula I recently completed a 3 year certification process in Narrative Family Therapy. My academic and professional training along with living within a matrilineal culture steeped in ancestral women’s wisdom, has provided me with the ability to guide women in early motherhood.

My life’s calling is supporting women navigate motherhood by strengthening their matrilineal lineage, healing generational trauma, creating a supportive community and living a life of meaning and purpose. http://www.birthofamama.com/

#MidwifeMonday: Yasmintheresa Garcia

Despite a long history of midwifery in the black community, black women currently represent less than 2% of the nation's reported 15,000 midwives. Relatedly, black women and infants experience the worst birth outcomes of any racial-ethnic cohort in the United States. And because of that once a month Tiny & Brave will be highlighting current and aspiring midwives of color. Today I will be highlighting the beautiful sister Yasmintheresa Garcia. 

When did you know you were called to Midwifery? 

As a young girl I had always had the aspiration to be a Doctor. My sisters always made fun and called me the bubble child because I was allergic to many things and often enjoyed visits to the doctors office. I found it so much fun to investigate everything my doctors would be doing when performing exams and suggesting prescriptions. I became an avid reader of health magazines and took full advantage of researching things about my anatomy. The female body I lived in became a masterpiece that I wanted to learn everything about since no one spoke much about its reoccurring changes in my household therefore I took initiative to learn about it myself. In junior high school two of my friends became pregnant and I immediately became their doula without knowing it was an actual occupation. I became extremely passionate about serving my sisters in learning more about their bodies. However it was not until I went away for college to California on my own, in pursuit of a fashion career that I found myself, and built up the courage to truly believe that I was capable of being that doctor I always knew I could be. It didn't matter to me anymore that no one else believed in me. I learned going to university for fashion was not my true purpose and by then I'd survived enough to know I was capable of becoming a servant for woman in need as a midwife.

Womanhood is a privilege bestowed upon a chosen being to carry out the example of God. A true demonstration of the cycle of life. Being born and creating life in many forms throughout each transitional phase is what womanhood is to me.

What do you do for self care?

I read for mental clarity, inspiration, and spiritual healing.

I am vegan therefore I treat myself to food that heal me from inside out like fresh fruits and veggies. I also exercise daily and enjoy taking care of my beauty with home made beauty products like my favorite, coffee body scrub. I also dance in my underwear in my mirror and pray to my body in gratitude of holding up each day. I never told that to anyone. 

If you can give one piece of advice in terms of becoming and/or being a midwife what would it be?

My advice to anyone becoming a midwife would be to learn the true history of midwifery from the historical granny midwives to the pioneers of modern day midwifery the Farm midwives of Summertown Tennessee. In order to respect and do this kind of work one must learn how it started and why we follow the scope of practice that differentiates us from Obstetrical care in hospitals. I would also say learn yourself as a woman, love yourself as a woman and take the best care of yourself as a woman because once you have empathy and love for yourself you are able to care for other woman in a selfless way. 

What is your favorite part of your body and why?  

My entire body was a gift from the universe so I love everything about it. It has been deemed a baby bearing body therefore I honor it all. But if I had to choose; My boobies. My boobies can feed my family and thats too dope! My vagina also provides protein but this is why I celebrate it all. 

What is the current theme song of your life? 

Rise Up by Andra Day is a reminder of the power in us we all have to live a fruitful life. 

Yasmintheresa Garcia is a Brooklyn native of Afro-Dominican descent. The developer of IbiOp App; The first App that list Doulas, Midwives, OBGYNs worldwide.

Yasmintheresa works as a Midwife in training, Prenatal & Postnatal Doula, Childbirth Educator, Vegan health coach and has founded YtheGirls “Hang out.” She has always had the desire to work with the community and help it progress in any way. Through her vision, creations and experiences she is dedicated to inspire others to produce self-sustainability in their communities.

Who is Tiny & Brave Holistic Services

Tiny & Brave Holistic Services Logo

Tiny & Brave Holistic Services Logo

Dallas, TX first Black Breastfeeding Gathering in August 2016 created by Tiny & Brave Holistic Services

Dallas, TX first Black Breastfeeding Gathering in August 2016 created by Tiny & Brave Holistic Services

Tiny & Brave is for the mother and her little one. It is providing women with the best model of care as a birth worker.  Tiny & Brave is for the well-being of the whole person; men and women-spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. Tiny & Brave are for those seeking to be counseled through their life experiences. It is for the less fortunate. It is for those who are considered insignificant. It's for those not often spoken of, like fathers. It is for the ones who are courageous enough to face their fears. It is for those who saw a need for others and found a solution. Tiny & Brave is to give awareness to the issues that are not being discussed. Tiny & Brave is a medium to advocate for those who don't have a voice.

I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. I first came aware of the birth world through a movie called "Losing Isaiah" Starring Halle Berry and Jessica Lange. I later encountered a woman who sparked my interest in becoming a midwife. In 2003, I became a doula through DONA. I was embraced by my mentor and midwife Memaniye Cinque of Dyekora Sumda Midwifery Services in Brooklyn, NY and through her was introduced to her first birth. It was there that I knew she wanted to become a midwife. In 2006, I went overseas through the African Birth Collective in Senegal, West Africa assisting midwives in labor and delivery. I have also been employed as a Live-Advisor at Pathways PA to teenage mothers.  I completed a Graduate certificate from Boston University in Maternal and Infant Care in Public Health. And on May 7th, 2016 I received my Master's in Counseling with a concentration in Marriage and Family. But my biggest accomplishment is having my daughter Glorious-Zoëlle Shaddai Verneus on June 17th, 2014. This was the pinnacle event in my life that confirmed why I should finally become a midwife, now or never.

Glorious-Zoëlle Shaddai three days old.

Glorious-Zoëlle Shaddai three days old.

Six Month Old

Six Month Old

I relocated to Austin, TX to follow her dream of being a Certified Professional Midwife and is currently enrolled in Mercy In Action's online Midwifery program while doing her apprenticeship. I resided in Philadelphia, PA with my daughter where I was a doula through Maternity Care Coalition directed by Ms. Naima Black; before relocating to Texas.  I have also worked as a Family Advocate within the Philadelphia community. I have been a social service professional since 1999.

I desires to serve families in the urban community; and overseas, such as Haiti in the near future.

I now seek to counsel and serve women who have experienced trauma. Grieved by my own trauma, as well as the abuse of women and children and the lack of value of the urban family; I seek to help to bring that importance of the family unit back for all parties are vital to the development of the urban community and family. I have always worked with women through the amazing process of witnessing another woman walk in her own power-emotionally, mentally, physically and/or spiritually. 

The reason I desire to serve this population is because at the current time, despite the long history of midwifery in black community, black women currently represent less than 2% of the nation’s reported 15,000 midwives. 

Each experience I had in serving women and children has reinforced my passion and calling. I believes the most impact in one's life can begin is at the moment of conscious conception and as a doula we have the opportunity to assist in helping a woman/mother know her virtue, resources and choices for herself and her baby.

Dallas, TX first Black Breastfeeding Gathering in August 2016 created by Tiny & Brave Holistic Services.

Dallas, TX first Black Breastfeeding Gathering in August 2016 created by Tiny & Brave Holistic Services.

I offer affordable doula care in my current community to those facing financial hardship but still desire her services. I also offer doula services for free to teenage mothers.

Barbara Verneus is a doula/birth companion, student midwife, family health advocate, maternal life coach, motivational speaker and mother of one based in Austin, TX. She has a masters in counseling with a concentration in marriage and family. Barbara has been featured on various platforms, such as:

Mater Mea http://www.matermea.com/blog/2015/3/24/how-having-my-daughter-saved-my-life

Mater Mea http://www.matermea.com/blog/fulfilling-my-purpose-essay

Mater Mea http://www.matermea.com/blog/2015/9/18/11-life-lessons-my-1-year-old-has-taught-me

Madame Noire http://madamenoire.com/592614/11-life-lessons-my-1-year-old-has-taught-me/

Black Women Birthing Justice http://www.blackwomenbirthingjustice.org/single-post/2016/05/11/Facing-and-Healing-from-Abuse-During-Pregnancy-by-Barbara-Verneus

Not So Private Parts http://notsoprivateparts.life/blog/2016/5/13/birth-of-a-midwife

Anjelica Malone http://www.anjelicamalone.com/tag/barbara-verneus/